The Nine (three) Lives of Chloe King

Once upon a time there was a TV show on ABC Family called The Nine Lives of Chloe King. Granted, I watched it several years ago, but I had to take a moment to rant about it here. I surprisingly loved this show. I watched it every single week. Yes, it was ABC Family and so it was overly teen and the acting was sub par and then relationship stuff made me want to vomit, but she was a cat person. A CAT PERSON. How cool of an idea is that? A teenager with magic cat powers who literally has nine lives. Season one ended in her death, but not really and in my desperate need to know what happened before season two I bought the book.

Now normally I read the book before I’m willing to watch the show/movie, but I didn’t know that this was originally a book. After season one was over I decided to check because I REALLY needed to know what happened. And so I bought the book…

This is where the story turns dark. The book series was supposed to be nine books; a nod to the nine lives. But, only three were out and according to the internet none of the other ones were ever going to be written. Big RED flag right there. But, I was desperate I had to know what happened to Chloe and most importantly I needed backstory. Why does she have cat powers, where do they come from, what is the pattern of genetic inheritance? I needed answers.

AND I DIDN’T GET ANY. There was a definitely reason why they stopped publishing this series. It was bad…really bad. This is one of the very few times when I can say the show was better than book. With the special shocking twist that the show was on ABC Family. That if anything should tell you how bad this book is series is. I actually donated my copy because I knew there was no way I’d read it again. Between the lack of answers and the terrible writing this book was a major let down.

In the end, I never got my answers because the originality of the storyline wasn’t enough to get past the terrible acting and the Nine Lives of Chloe King never got a season two.

Le sigh.

Procrastination and Angry Rants,
The Red Queen

P.S. meow


Shadowhunters: “Dead Man’s Party” is a Snooze

I really can’t believe I’m still watching this show, but I shall make sacrifices for the blog.

This week let’s start with Alec. Pardon my French but what a little bitch. That’s really the only appropriate way to describe him: little bitch. I get that he is having these crazy emotions because he is secretly in love with Jace, but the stark avoidance by Freeform of the topic of Alec’s homosexuality makes his character essentially useless.

Speaking of sexuality…the short training scene between Jace and Clary is so sexual it’s almost painful. Like there is no need for the word pulsing to be there. All Jace did was say a bunch of sexual words and suddenly she can use a sword.

The only party in this episode is a misplaced orgy. The sex scene between Meliorn and Isabelle at least provides some information, but I thought Fairies were supposed to be hot? If you’re going to inundate me with unnecessary coitus at least make the participants attractive.Isn’t this supposed to be a teen show? It’s written like a teen show (bad acting, boring plotlines) but there is a lot of skin for this show. You’d think they’d stop with the sex and get on with the planning, rescuing, protecting, badassery that is supposed to be their damn job. Clary finally makes a decent point. WHY ARE THEY NOT DOING ANYTHING? WHY?

I really hated on Simon during the last episode, but his rant this week was adorable and the actor’s ability to pause mid argument and pick back up was impressive. As a side note, since when can vampires freeze people? What is up with that? Part of me is a little happy that nerdy Simon got to get in on the sexy time action. If everybody is going to do it the nerd should be included. Especially since he is obviously cannon fodder in the war against the demons. Silly mundane.

Thanks to Simon’s capture we also get to have our first legitimate fight scene, which is really the reason I keep watching this show. I want to see some bodies hit the floor. And watching vampires disintegrate and Isabelle get to use her cool snake whip thing definitely improved my opinion of the show, not much, but some.

I almost started to like this show. Suddenly, my excitement died on the sounds of Clary’s girly screams.

Procrastination and Giggles,
The Red Queen

P.S. Can we please come up with a different rune? This one is so repetitive even I could track these people.

Pitch Slapped: A Story of Good vs Evil

I know that this one is a little off topic for us, but I watch a painful amount of reality television and occasionally I have thoughts that simply must be shared. Luckily for you, this happens to be a great venue for me to share thoughts. Blogs are pretty great.

But, back to the point. Pitch Slapped. Lifetime does it again with another reality show that I shouldn’t want to watch but I wait for excitedly every week because wrongfully judging people on TV is better than wrongfully judging people in real life.

Essentially this show is about two high school a cappella groups who are pretty good, but far from Pitch Perfect good and would really like to get a shot at a national title. To do this they bring in two coaches, Diana (professional a cappella singer and coach) and Deke (life long a cappella-ist and advisor/writer/arranger person for Pitch Perfect). By the way if you haven’t watch Pitch Perfect…do it.

Now I’m sure Diana is actually a very lovely person, but for the purposes of this show she really plays the villain and I can’t help but think she should have expected that. Deke is the quintessential loveable nerd. He even has a health condition and glasses. GLASSES. And Diana is the attractive put together professional red head with the authoritative voice. To top it all off they gave Diana the better team. Highlands Voices regularly wins against Deke’s team Stay Tuned. Although Stay Tuned definitely has the better name. Also, Highlands Voices is the small group with a number of confident teens whereas Stay Tuned is a giant collective of underdogs. Here is where Diana went wrong, everyone loves an underdog and from the beginning my geeky little heart is rooting for Stay Tuned. The only thing Diana has going for her with the viewers is the Highlands Voices’ smaller size allows the viewer to learn more about each individual team member. Stay Tuned is kind of a giant blob of hormones aside from a few members selected for some extra camera time.

To get to the reason I so desperately needed to blog… Diana, why would you do this to yourself? You know you’re going to be the antagonist! You even have the yelling attitude. Diana believes performance and perfection are everything. Every time Deke is on screen he is talking about the importance of having heart and loving the music and letting it flow through your being. Even I love this hippy dippy stuff! I could not have written a story about battling a cappella coaches with an easier split between good and evil.

The worst thing is, if Highlands Voices wins at the end people still will be cheering for Stay Tuned. That is the power of the underdog. Now, my fellow authors are self-proclaimed Slytherins so their team may disagree with the power of the underdog, but besides those guys I’m sure all the other houses would agree. I mean we loved Cedric because he was a Hufflepuff. If he wasn’t a Hufflepuff it would have been an entirely different tournament.

Diana, put your Slytherin tie away, realize you’re working with a bunch of kids who can barely even drive and get those damned giant sunglasses off of your face.

Procrastination and Giggles,
The Red Queen

P.S. A cappella really is awesome y’all…PSA: go watch Pitch Perfect. Just do it.


Uprooted by Naomi Novik: A Modern Day Fairytale

This story reminds me of The Hobbit in style and Into The Woods in storytelling skill. It’s the kind of tale that tucks you in at bedtime. The classic coming of age, good versus evil, magic and malevolence storyline that makes me smile and wish for the nights spent reading with a flashlight under my blanket because I wanted to read instead of sleep.

When I finished with Uprooted I wanted to pick it up and start reading all over again, which is rare for me. It takes a lot to make me want to stay in a world when there are so many others waiting to be explored. I originally selected this book because I liked the cover and I will read just about anything. I hadn’t heard of Naomi Novik’s popular Temeraire series (which is now on my to read list). However, when Lev Grossman, Cassandra Clare and Tamora Pierce all vote yes to a book that is a pretty good sign.

Novik is able to take classic young adult tropes and help you time travel, back to being a teenager, your first love, a glorious moment of triumph. Yes, Agnieska is your usual YA heroine. She has the prettier best friend, the secret talent, and self-doubt for miles, but her clumsiness is endearing and when she stands up for herself you want to shout for joy with your inner child. My Polish roots make me love this character even more because the story itself is inspired by a Polish fairytale. Novik shows you this through her description of village life, a simpler time, a place where people loved the land they worked.

I am usually all jokes and side comments, but I cannot joke about this book. It really affected me in a way that YA literature rarely does. Unlike the other run-of-the-mill YA books out there, this one has earned the right to be called literature for me. I loved it pure and simple.

Guys, it even managed to pull out a really good plot twist that would only be obvious to a savvy reader.

Agnieska’s trials and successes are the reader’s trials and successes because Novik has the heartrending skill of showing emotion with her word choice. When Agnieska fell in love, I fell in love, even in spite of the obvious problems with her boyfriend choice.

And then there is The Wood. The best villains are ones with a unique backstory, a personal quest, and a redeeming characteristic and The Wood not only has these things but also a deeper complexity. By the conclusion of this story you learn to appreciate The Wood and accept this amorphous concept as a character in it’s own right. It is a glorious thing to have a complex antagonist that plies for sympathy and fear.

I loved this book so much I even loved the epilogue. Five bright, shiny, glittery, gigantic stars to Uprooted.

Procrastination and a touch of Serious Face,
The Red Queen

P.S. Did you get the sense I really loved this book? The End.

Lucifer: Well, the Devil Went Down to California, Looking for Some Secrets to Steal (“Pilot”)


When a show opens with Cage the Elephant’s “Ain’t No Rest for the Wicked,” you know it’s going to be good. And FOX’s new show Lucifer, based on character originally created by Neil Gaiman in DC Comics’ The Sandman, does not disappoint.

The main reason the show comes off as well as it does is that its protagonist/anti-hero is so well portrayed. His opening scene tells us everything we need to know about him as a character – he speeds down the highway not giving any f***s, gets pulled over, persuades the cop to tell his secrets and then take a bribe, and finally speeds away to his nightclub. I mean really…what did you expect from the devil?

Then there’s the dialogue. There were so many excellent one-liners in the pilot alone (I’ve recapped some of them below, but there were more). The dialogue was fast-paced, sharp-tongued and utterly fantastic. Tom Ellis excels at portraying Lucifer Morningstar as sarcastic and witty.

Yet there’s also an excellent range of emotion there. He’s genuinely dumbfounded by detective Chloe Decker, who is immune to his charms. As the wonderful shrink Linda points out, it bothers him on a fundamental level that he can’t affect her, and he’s immensely intrigued by it – to the point of committing the very un-devilish act of saving her life.

There’s also a lot going on behind the scenes here from an otherworldly point of view. Amenadiel the angel shows up to chide Lucifer back into hell, and it’s clear that Lucifer feels he’s been unfairly put upon to be the bad guy. All of which begs the question – what’s actually happening in hell right now? There’s a lot for them to explore from this angle, and I look forward to it.

We also get a few tantalizing glimpses of what Lucifer really is – a brief reflection in some glass of a red-skinned devil, the glowing red eyes he uses to terrify a young child.

The plot itself was fairly basic and rightfully overshadowed by the dialogue and Tom Ellis just snarking his way through the entire episode. If the show wants to get renewed (and I hope it does), it needs to step up its plot game a little. But that’s the only complaint I’ve really got.

Perhaps what I liked most about the show was the way it evoked many different genres. The devils and angels bring both Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Supernatural to mind, two shows I very much enjoy. The crime solving aspects brings to mind normal police shows like CSI and supernaturally oriented ones like Moonlight (sadly canceled a year or so before the great vampire craze) and Sleepy Hollow.

Suffice it all to say, I was excited for this show when I saw the preview – and I’m even more excited now that I’ve seen the first episode. I think I’ve got a new favorite show.

Now don’t f***ing cancel it, Fox.

Other Assorted Thoughts:

  • “The seventh of never til the fifth of it ain’t gonna happen” will be my new default response at work when people ask me when things will be done.
  • The priest recognizing Lucifer and just straight up fleeing…man, that was good.
  • “That’s boooooooring.” Perfect tone of voice. Also, Lucifer doesn’t read minds. He’s “not a Jedi.”
  • “My friends call me Trixie.” “That’s a hooker’s name.”
  • “Pound town” is joining the same list of amazing terms to use in everyday conversation as “spank bank” from Galavant.
  • “You know, you’re going to have to get better at lying if you want to be president.”
  • I’m so incredibly leery of the network this is on. I still haven’t forgiven those asshats at FOX for canceling Almost Human.


Image courtesy of Springfield Springfield. Originally appeared on Regina’s blog.

No Rest for the Wicked: Lucifer 1.1 Pilot

Marvel may be killing it on the big screen, but DC has been absolutely stellar on the nightly in-home front. And Lucifer, its newest tv arrival, is one Hell of a good time. Please Fox, don’t let this one go the way of Firefly.

Again, mad props to the music team. As with Reign, this has me downloading new songs as I write. Cage the Elephant’s “Aint No Rest for the Wicked” followed immediately by the late great David Bowie’s “Fame” had me cheering for the epic beats playing across my computer. And that was only in the first five minutes.

Also, well done casting team! Tom Ellis is Lucifer Morningstar in the flesh. Charming and disarming, his gift for eliciting the deepest desires from everyone he meets (well, maybe not quite everyone) is at times hysterical and downright devilish. And of course the fiend is British. Who else could deliver such glorious holier than thou sarcastic wit?

The rest of the cast is not without its familiar faces as True Blood & Arrow fans will recognize Kevin Alejandro as Dan – the condescending ex-husband cop, while Whedonites will be ecstatic about D.B. Woodside’s show-stopping appearance as Amenadiel – an angel with a taste for war…and Lucifer’s blood.

So, Lucifer has a great cast, excellent taste in music — Lu’s own line about disliking 2Vile’s hip-hop was spot on by the way — and some funny lines. But it is the ability of a show to masterfully layer all of that character work, music, and those little nods to the audience with a thoughtful plotline that takes a good show and makes it great. While Lucifer may sport a “devil may care” attitude when he’s out amongst the mortals, the devil really does care when you get down to it. Disguised behind the trappings of a crime drama is the real meat of the storyline: The play between Lucifer’s immortal soul and these mortal musings he seems to have suddenly found. I’d call them “feelings,” but I think that’s a bit too strong of a sentiment just yet.

In any case, I am loving the show thus far, and am more than intrigued: Why has Lucifer abandoned Hell? Are these mortal musings the cause for the abandonment of his post?  Why do I have to wait another week before the next show airs???

The devil may have gone down to Georgia, but I just got back from an 8 hour drive up from Atlanta, so I should probably call it a night now.

So, to conclude, I give Lucifer Two Thumbs WAY UP! Let’s hope it stays that way.

– Queen Amidala

  • Favorite Moment: Lu interrupts a sylvan wedding only to have the priest recognize him and begin backing away in terror.
  • Favorite Line: “Here it is: the seventh of Never through to the fifteenth of It Ain’t Going to Happen. How does that work for you guys?”
  • Favorite Song: Serious toss-up between the two mentioned above.

Images courtesy of & Tumblr (the almighty sleep-deprived bowels of the internet)

iZombie: The Moby Dick of TV shows (Season 1 Eps. 7-9)


Yes, this is the show you’re looking for. Complete with the great white character of incredible interest. Liv Moore is the female protagonist my life has been missing ever since Veronica Mars. Makes sense since Rob Thomas (writer, producer, and director) was involved with both.

Liv is witty, emotional, just badass enough to be realistic and while she alone would be enough to keep me watching it’s her compatriots that make the show so amazing.

This is especially true of Dr. Ravi Chakrabarti. It is refreshing to have a show that contains a platonic relationship between a man and a woman that is based on mutual respect and an emotional connection. Plus, the handsome Indian doctor provides both intellectual stability and humorous interludes. I think he described himself best, “Liv, I’m a tall doctor with fantastic hair and a British accent. But to hear you tell it She’s out of my league. I don’t even need to be this attractive. Just icing.”

Personally, when I re-discovered that this show was from the CW. I was impressed. Superheroes the CW does well, but I wouldn’t have expected something quite this awesome from them, especially since the show has a female lead.

These three episodes have just enough background plot that the viewer wants to know more. I wasn’t even upset that no one new has discovered the zombie problem yet, which is surprising seeing as I have the patience of a pregnant woman with a full bladder.

In these episodes Liv investigates her motherly instincts, experiences PTSD, and in what I think is one of the best episodes thus far, she takes on the personality of a self-entitled radio host who discusses sex on air, often.

All I want is Moore. See what I did there?

Procrastination and Giggles,
The Red Queen

P.S. Step One: bribe law enforcement. Step Two: create a need for a limited supply item. Step Three: profit.

Image courtesy of

Galavant Rides to War with Great Plot and Great Music (“Love and Death” / “Do the D’DEW”)


So Galavant died. That happened.

Fortunately, though, the show was more alive than ever this week, with what was probably my favorite episodes of the season to date.

We got to see how Galavant’s death would affect Richard and Sid without any lasting consequences (except Galavant giving Sid a lot of shit over it), and the writers used that moment to finally reveal to Galavant that Isabella thinks he broke up with her (before bringing him back, obviously). That song (“Goodbye”) is my favorite of the season thus far, and Neo of Sporin was probably my favorite one-off character. And the zombie army…what a wonderful sight gag and a hilarious plot device. Their back-up “singing” and “dancing” during “Finally” made that song so much better than it otherwise would have been.

Meanwhile, love was in the air everywhere this episode. Gareth’s song about being in love with Madalena was adorable without being overly creepy, and the show has had me convinced for weeks that they are a great pair for each other. Their scene confessing their feelings via the army was just perfect. And Richard finally woke up to what was in front of him and got to experience the joy of a relationship (even if he also immediately got to experience the bottomless despair of a breakup).

Wormwood continues to be completely underwhelming as a villain. While I like that he’s introduced Madalena to the dark dark evil way and now we’re going to get some evil magic, he’s still a flimsy plot device at best. The writers have given us no reason to care about him, and he gets more annoying with ever week.

Wormwood aside, the plot actually went somewhere this week and it was this that made the episodes so good. Isabella is finally acting under her own agency inside of moping around or being mind controlled, and she’s proving to be highly capable. She’s back to the character I loved in season 1, and seeing her confront Madalena was a highlight of “Do the D’DEW.” Galavant finally has an army (even if it is undead), and he’s finally back in the same territory as the other characters, with Richard in tow.

Everything is finally coming together for next week’s finale, and I can’t wait to see how this resolves – especially given that the last episode of the season is called “The One True King (To Unite Them All).”

Other Assorted Thoughts:

  • We all knew the Princess Bride reference was coming, and man was it good when it did. “That’s not actually a thing.”
  • The unicorn joke still has not gotten old.
  • Chef and Gwen are still absent, and I’m starting to worry that they’re gone for good.
  • Did anyone else notice that Galavant & co. made it back to Valencia without ever crossing the ocean? I guess it could all be on the same continent, but still…
  • Madalena and the baby. Oh boy. We got REALLY dark dark there for a minute.
  • Disappointed that we didn’t see any of Tad Cooper but still rooting for him to save the day at the end of this season.


Image courtesy of Originally appeared on Regina’s blog.

Agent Carter: “A View in the Dark”

acarter202_0134.jpegJarvis, Jarvis, Jarvis. This season really will be the season of the Jarvises both the Mr. and the Mrs. I personally have always loved Jarvis, but when you combine him and his wife suddenly the world is a happier place and it all makes sense. Mrs. Jarvis’ presence gives so much context to Mr. Jarvis’ attitude and mannerism and their interactions provide all the comic relief I could ever want. She makes an incredible companion if not sidekick to Peggy and does so without seeming fragile or incompetent like some of Peggy’s other female friends.

It is hard to come up with much to say about this episode that isn’t some kind of dramatic spoiler because goodness does it move. All of the things happen during this one and I mean #ALLofTheThings. Because of that I will keep my report fairly short.

Primarily this episode is a very large game of “Who’s the bad guy?”. The viewers are trying to manage numerous plots and subplots that are all intertwined and trying to track not only which bad guy is which but also who’s on which side is a full time task. Mad props to the writers because they manage to make these interwoven plots seamless and understandable. The numerous subplots and their slow unveiling make me wiggle in anticipation for the rest of the season.

The primary purpose of this episode is the character development and involvement of Dr. Jason Wilkes, a very tall and very clean cut scientist at Isodyne. He insists on getting to know Peggy at a personal level which gives the audience a teaser into her life before the SSR, which I’d love to hear more about. These moments show that Peggy is just as much of a troublemaker as the rest of us and makes her even more endearing. Besides the allowance for these moments, the good doctor is probably the least favorite of my new characters. His only useful purpose is to expose more of Agent Carter’s softer side. Besides that we could do without him. Yes he is a source of intelligence but between Sousa, Jarvis, Stark and Carter we have all of the necessary skills to move this story forward without him. This makes me wonder if his involvement will become more important during this season because right now he appears as an extraneous complication. I’m willing to play along with his game and wait, but the other new elements of this season are much more enjoyable.

Procrastination and Giggles,
The Red Queen

P.S. A quick jab to the right eye is not only a great hobby but also a very convincing interrogation tactic.

Image courtesy of 

Long May She Reign: Reign 1.1 Pilot and 1.2 Snakes in the Garden

Being the addict that I am, my television watching is a vast swath ranging from sci-fi, fantasy, drama, period pieces, and comedy.  I usually have at least one of each ongoing, and currently filling the period piece slot is Reign.

Two of my favorite questions from Inside the Actor’s Studio with James Lipton are 1. What profession other than your own would you like to attempt? And 2. What profession would you not like to do?  My longstanding answer to #1 is Music Supervisor for a television production company because the soundtrack is that little gem which has the ability to transcend into our daily lives.  I cannot even being to count how many songs I have added to my playlist based on their excellent product placement in a show. And the soundtrack to Reign is most excellent.  At times dark and conflicted, and at other times light and folksy, each song pulls me in deeper into the story.  Mad props, musical team!

Now, after seeing the Pilot episode, my answer to #2 is Royal Taste Tester.  Knowing that one’s sole purpose in life is to eventually die of some horrific form of poisoning is immensely maudlin and depressing.  And there is an awful lot of poisoning or supposed poisoning happening right now.  Murder, mayhem, and mystery seem to be the three cornerstones of this first season, and there are already a bundle of questions (and dead bodies) piling up – and we’re just getting started!

Who are Mary Queen of Scot’s allies, and who are her enemies? Who is Clarissa, the sack-clothed castle ghost? Which of Mary’s lades-in-waiting is going to disappoint me more? And what the heck is happening in the Blood Woods?!? Truly, Reign is like Gossip Girl meets the Tudors, with a dash of horror thrown in to turn this Historical Fiction up to Level 11: Historical Fantasy.

What is not in question however is Queen Catherine of France’s deep-rooted power behind the throne. I have come to discover that I have a thing for ruthless Italians – just wait till I get to write about The Borgias, one of my all-time favorites – and Catherine de Medici has been a longtime beloved historical figure. So, while I was already hopeful when I added Reign to my Netflix queue, I became ecstatic when the lovely Megan Follows delivered this snarktastic line: “I’ve just had a vision. I see you [Nostradamus] beheaded at my command.” I’d say she had me at Hello, but it was more like a promise of pain if you disappointed her. Having the personality of Darth Vader and Voldemort, I approve wholeheartedly of this sentiment.

As we progress into the second episode “Snakes in the Garden” we see Catherine exerting more authority in her constant plotting to thwart and terrorize Mary in her efforts to secure a marriage with Francis and thereby France’s armies. So much so that Catherine is hiding evidence and facts from the King of France, and even working in conjunction with England, France’s ally but more like mortal enemy kept momentarily at bay. Step aside, Henry II, Catherine runs this show. I eagerly await the sarcasm and wit to come from this goddess of a monarch.

As for the other royals, Mary is young and intrepid, yet she conveys a wisdom beyond her years.  I suspect she will prove a powerful match for Queen Catherine in the episodes to come.  Francis, the dauphin, is touching in his desire to be a well-rounded and accomplished king, and while it is entirely maddening that he lingers in the no-man’s land of whether or not to marry Mary, it is also a trait she respects as it one she herself must also choose.  And although, Queen Catherine may be the might behind the throne, it is clear that King Henry didn’t get there by riding on her coat tails.  A master in the art of people-watching, nothing escapes his attention – not even his wife’s scheming and plotting.

The only real element which frustrates me, besides the motivations to be discussed at a later point of ladies-in-waiting Lola (Anna Popplewell) and Kenna (Caitlin Stasey), is the use of the “Avoid the Prophecy” plot. All attempts to evade a prophecy are going to instead cause the prophecy to come to pass. It is an eventuality the viewers know is coming, even if they don’t yet know how, making the audience at least somewhat more omniscient than the characters. As it is historical fiction/fantasy, and I’m already coming to the table with a decent amount of foreknowledge, the less the show outright tells me, and the more I get to discover and experience alongside the characters, the more I’m going to be involved in the show. However, given that the prophecy was introduced within the first mere minutes of the pilot, I suspect I will simply have to grow accustomed to it as an overarching plot line.

So, to recap: Long May Queen Catherine de Snark Reign and to Hell or the Blood Woods with all the rest.  Ok, not really, we like them too, we just like Madame de Medici most of all.

Favorite Song: “Follow” – Crystal Fighters
Favorite Line: “I’ve just had a vision. I see you…beheaded at my command” – Catherine

Snakes in the Garden
Favorite Song: “Navigate” – Band of Skulls
Favorite Line: “I’m not sure words mean anything here” – Mary

– Queen Amidala

Photo courtesy of: Reign CW Wikia
Gif courtesy of: Pinterest